As always, I am grateful for all the calls, texts, and posts from those who acknowledge the day I came to be. I think as I get older, I might be getting a little pettier by counting who\u2019s first, who\u2019s late, and who doesn’t.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Remember, if you got this far and want to tap out, I ain\u2019t mad. Thanks again for the B-day wish!<\/p>\n\n\n\n
The disclaimer, this is not for you (reader), it\u2019s for me on my birthday\u2026but I guess it is a bit more in 2023. More than any time in my life I think about, and if I\u2019m honest, worry about my own mortality. Don\u2019t worry I\u2019m not dying (that I know), I feel healthier than ever, not on any medications, I can still run, somebody asked me about jumping and I had to laugh I can\u2019t remember the last time I even attempted to jump. I\u2019ll try it later and give you an update, lol.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
A few years ago, I heard a preacher at a funeral say, \u201cMost of us have more days behind us than we have ahead.\u201d Of course, us of a certain age, in this case 61, know this to be true. This past year in my head I could visualize a clock representing my mortality clock, but I can\u2019t read it.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Last year I talked about the question, \u201chow\u2019s your head, how\u2019s your heart?\u201d Now I frequently ask myself the question as a form of self-regulation and self-care.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
So, starting again with my head. In 2023 those boxes that I mentioned in 2022, I may have unpacked one or two, as scary as it was. Mentally I think I\u2019m maintaining a strong 7 on the scale most days. Have I gotten professional help? Y\u2019all know the answer; but there\u2019s always next year, right?<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Back to mortality, it really messes with your head, yesterday I learned that our grad chapter Dean of Pledges, Darryl Wilson became an ancestor, he had to be in his late 80\u2019s but what got me was he still lived in Evanston. Too often we say, \u201cI wish I had made the time to see\/connect with them.\u201d Time is fleeting\u2026<\/p>\n\n\n\n
My heart keeps singing, \u201c\u2026so much trouble in the world can\u2019t no body feel your pain\u2026\u201d \u2013 Tupac Shakur.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
From white nationalism (you are not supreme), to politics, to war. Sometimes my heart hurts. Some of the hurt gets bottled up because if you say or right the wrong thing you may offend a group of people and labeled a racist (FYI Black people cannot be racist), an antisemite, or a blasphemer. I have a new love\/hate relationship with the commercial news enterprise and dammit I\u2019m starting to agree with Trump about \u201cfake news\u201d, the narratives that come across the screen are geared towards fueling divisiveness, whether its politics, race, or religion. You never get just the objective facts anymore, it\u2019s all opinion pieces based on the station\u2019s audience.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Continuing my journey into Blackness, the efforts to suppress the truth about our history, our American history, is bad but the effort to erase the brilliance and reality of Africa and the continent before the colonizers all but destroyed that history is criminal.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I am no longer religious but working on my spirituality, for years I\u2019ve wrestled with the question, who\u2019s God is winning? I just started watching Lawmen: Bass Reeves, in the second episode Bass and his \u201cmaster\u201d are traveling and at night stop and bunk down, they are both laying on their backs looking up at the heavens (stars) and paraphrasing, they are talking about the brightness of the stars and Bass says something about going up to heaven and how wonderful it will be. The white man says, oh no, that\u2019s for white people n-words don\u2019t go there, where n-words go is all dark. That solidified my thoughts on so called Christianity, at least the colonized version we were forced to practice.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Finally, I\u2019ve been a voracious reader this year with a new rule, only Black authors, factual history of our people, our culture, or the fiction we\u2019ve written. Except Stephen King.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I think that is enough for this year, if you are at this sentence yes, I love you! If you understand it all, I know you love me and always will.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
As always, if you got to the end of this don\u2019t worry about getting me a gift\u2026you just did!<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
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